Insecurity: Why Are We So Insecure?

This next part is me when thinking about thinking, aware of that ego and that insecure automatic mindset that promotes reason and good things to itself…. A little bit like Marble cake, I slip into both modes, but it’s never planned and I cannot choose my thoughts, THEY ARE JUST HAPPENING TO ME…. Swishes in and out accordingly, however, all of the content is well and truly secret, only I know me, I would never dare share ‘TITS, ASS, FACE…..’ type thoughts and others to anyone in the manner that they flash through my mind… I have an envisaged status to uphold, and I show the ‘best’ thoughts of me as often as possible to create a hopefully ‘cool’ ‘successful’ thoughtful’ ‘righteous’ Panayiotis for all to perceive. The untidy and reckless thoughts as stated above, I repeat were not chosen. I do not challenge them either for moral and ethical reasons, as they are within my mind, I know they have no depth of meaning. That has to be recognized… For some reason, they appear as they do, a little like the handbrake of a car left down, it rolls down the hill unstoppable. I cannot be mindful as the list below all of the time, the brain will not allow me to be, it’s too much hard work for it to keep thinking about thinking, so it just flows in casual mode often, and the content that comes out although seemingly crude, is not who I am or what I stand for…. A paradox yes, but when in thinking mode I stand for equality, and all good things. I accept my mind has been shaped by years of status anxiety and cultural / peer pressure indoctrination… From a young age my fear responses, my defense mechanisms before I wanted to start really thinking about life, formed deep rooted neuronal connections that do not just disappear because a mindset has suddenly shifted.

We live in a world where we perfect the art of hiding and pretending in front of others. We are stuck showing and verbalizing the hopefully best version of us and cannot notice the automatic insecure version of ourselves as it unfolds every single day. We delude ourselves constantly justifying that we are worthy and special and meaningful as though those insecure thoughts never happen.. As we are oblivious, we are also, so glad that we are ‘above’ and ‘better’ than many others in the process, prettier, smarter etc etc…. Not many would dare to read out their very real list similar to 1-39 that is very much part of them through the day too.. That list is just human nature though, especially in a fast paced capitalist, competitive world most of us live in… To begin change toward a better, calmer, thinking of the greater good mindset, we have to first acknowledge and accept that side of us, rather than conveniently hiding all the time. The paradox is difficult to become aware of in the first place, I hope I make it easier for you to notice yourselves… HUMANS 2017.

By Panayiotis Stavrou

[Video source PsychAlive YouTube channel]